A short movie about a chill day among beautiful canyons filled with flowers.
A short movie about a chill day among beautiful canyons filled with flowers.
I wrote a post about my solo trek across Death Valley. I wrote it in the Catmobile, parked in front of the Eureka Sand Dunes on my little blue computer, the one dedicated for writing books and stories, about a month ago. But, here I am … ready to post the first video in the “Solo across Death Valley” mini series (17 episodes total) and the saved post is gone. Gone! In fact, everything I have written on the little blue computer is gone.
Gone gone gone.
Computer – blank.
I guess that makes sense. The Dragon did it.
Hiking across Death Valley solo was probably the most “me” adventure I have ever had. I was in line, in sync, finely fine-tuned to exactly who I represent – The epitome of my own archetype. It was like hanging out with a perfect mate and best friend, a state of complete ease, freedom and joy, even during the hardships.
Getting back to civilization, the world of people with their fears, needs and expectations, was a shock to my system. The shock, I think, is what awoke the Dragon, and he was hungry after his long slumber – yes, “he” – my dragon is male, green and blue, iridescent, potent in beauty and power in equal measures.
I have been riding the Dragon into the fire. What does that even mean? Well, for the past 7 years – since Crazy Free and the spiritual awakening – I have calibrated my world view to Love and Light. Wonderful, wonderful … except that, in some cases, I unknowingly packed away resentment. I sought the higher perspective in all situations, believing this the only path to raise my vibration. Why did I want a higher vibration? Because you attract what you are, right? So I have to be Love and Light to attract all the good stuff of Life. In the name of this, I brought metaphorical flowers to my offenders when I could have justifiably erected protective boundaries or drawn my sword.
Just turn the other cheek.
Raise the draw bridge, protect the villagers, and off with the offender’s head.
It is good and important to set boundaries, to protect one’s self
It is good and important to be an example of Love and Light in the world.
Nothing is done to me. There is nothing to protect.
Love and Light starts with the self. Self-love requires self-respect.
Other’s actions are about them. My reaction is about me.
This Love and Light business is making me act like milk toast.
Cognitive dissonance = Holding two opposing yet equal belief systems in one’s mind, simultaneously.
This is the main purpose of the inner Dragon. Can’t sort it out? Balance on a tiptoe on the knife’s edge of that paradox, like a dragon dancer, love warrior, fire ballerina, and get out of the way. If you can stay very still, the Dragon will come. Flap of wings in the distance. They are massive. They can obscure the sun. It’ll get hot, for sure. But you just stay put. Let it burn. You are fireproof in the flames of your own Dragon.
That’s what happened. That’s what opened in the desert. I was me in Death Valley, and next thing I knew, I was in Sedona, riding the Dragon … We rode into the territory of old guilt I still carried for hurting somes I loved and left, loved and wrong, or not loved and discarded. I rode the Dragon over the land of codependency. Burnt that. The land of goody-two-shoes. Burnt that. Unjustices, betrayals, non-closured relationships, … Smoldering and gone. They no longer weigh me down.
But, there were casualties.
All the books I had started in the past 4 years (since Crazy Free) were birthed from deep inner pockets of “stuff” that sought resolution. I didn’t know this. I thought I was divinely inspired. I wrote 12 poignant chapters of a fiction novel about a foreign scientist who falls dangerously in love with a bipolar mountain guide, on Mt. Baker. I wrote 3 intricate chapters about a woman who falls in love with the kids of a man who ends up in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. That one had a bad ending. There was also “Road Magic” a collection of stories of my adventures, like following a Viking to Cuba, working on a pig farm in Alaska, and so many more. These, unfortunately, are gone too. But I have the paper notes for this one, so it could be reborn from the ashes. The other two, I’m letting go. I’m no longer the person who needed to write them. The Dragon didn’t differentiate. Everything in my little blue computer is gone. And, strangely, it feels pretty good.
I’ve asked the Dragon to stay a bit. In case we’re not done yet. Meanwhile, there’s a field of smoldering ashes, a few glowing ambers. And in the space that opened, 17 movies were born. A new Youtube channel.
The books are gone. Long live the videos.
The first episode premieres today at 11:11 am. The second episode tomorrow at 7pm.
They have a different feel than anything I’ve written up to now.
The girl from Crazy Free has grown.
Come meet her.
With Love (and Light, and Peace, and Justice, and everything else that should not be discarded)
Melissa TheBobcat Wyld.
I love synchronicities. Here is one: Two years ago, on November 19th, 2014, I wrote the last line of Crazy Free, right here, in North Conway. November 19th, 2016, the 100th comment was posted about Crazy Free on Amazon. Another glorious 5 star review. Thank you readers. I love you!
Nov 19th, 2014, 6:17 pm
I am right now only one sentence away from finishing the first draft of my book, and I am not writing it.
The last few paragraphs I have written describe how I slept 4 miles before Manning Park because I wasn’t ready to be done with the PCT. The last sentence I haven’t written yet is the part when I actually finish the PCT.
At least, I’m consistent. So, I’m off to eat dinner, call some friends and take a bath.
Nov 19th, 2014, 9:51 pm
The last sentence is a run-on sentence, and I like it this way.
Draft 1 is done.
Nov 19th, 2016, from Amazon.com review page
November 19, 2016
I absolutely loved Crazy Free. So many of us talk about following our hearts but do we really? She risked living in misery in order to find absolutely happiness and because of that we are able to read her story and, hopefully, gain some kind of inspiration. I originally bought this book because it related to hiking the PCT but came away with so much more.
We join The Bobcat on this rainy Halloween for a status update and reality check. A jasmine tea brewing, Railroad Ave as weird as we had left it, laptop is plugged and ready. Let’s catch up …
Good morning Bobcat, it has been a while since you last wrote and some of your readers might be wondering about your whereabouts. How is your post-PCT reintegration into real life going?
Well, Bobcat, since I am both asking the questions and answering them, this might be a bit of a redundant interview, but as you know, I am not reintegrating.
You mean you are resisting reintegration?
No, I mean I don’t believe in “reintegration”. Reintegration implies that the trail was an adventure outside of what you just called “real life” rather than an integral part of it. I think some people might feel this way because on the trail a certain flow is established that seems unnatural, almost magical. This is reflected in the terminology. On the trail we speak of Trail Magic when our needs are fulfilled effortlessly, of Trail Angels when strangers show us kindness and so forth. I believe that the magical quality of the trail is actually a quality intrinsic to life, it’s just that on the trail people expect it and are therefore more attuned to it. Even pragmatic hikers who argue vehemently that magic doesn’t exist believe in trail magic; I had the pleasure of meeting one of those hikers. So, rather than “reintegration” to some separate, less magical reality, I am living my post-trail life as an extension of my trail life.
Mmh. Interesting. So, what does “living a trail life” actually mean in the day to day?
The basic premise is a blind trust that all is well, all is as it should be, I am always exactly where I am supposed to be and the Universe is benevolent and loving in all situations.
It seems if all is always well and you are always exactly where you are supposed to be that you easily could be stuck somewhere. Wouldn’t you lack motivation to grow and explore if you are always content with where you are?
If that were the case, I would not be The Roaming Bobcat, now would I? One aspect of trail life is to follow one’s heart. This is a cat with many names; anything from God, Allah, Jehovah, Inner-voice, HigherSelf, Intuition, etc. We actually know what we need, even when we don’t know that we know. If it were right for me, I would feel great joy at staying put, but as it is, my own heart, in recent times (everything always changes, including this sentence), has found its greatest joy in random meanderings.
I see we are going to have one of those “higher” conversations this morning. Would you take it down a notch and give us some examples?
Sure. You want specifics … While I was on the trail, I really longed to be back in Bellingham. I felt it was my home. I even passed on applying for a park ranger job in Death Valley, which had my name all over it, to return to Bellingham. When I pulled into Bellingham the day after finishing the trail, however, I felt a clear pull to continue on south. Despite numerous reasonable reasons to stay in Bellingham, I got in my truck and drove to Portland. Many times on the trail I felt that my heart was inadequately small to hold the magnitude of joy I felt. This is how I felt on the drive down to Portland. I was moving to Portland to become a yoga instructor there and felt absolutely sure that it was the right move.
But that’s not what happened?
No, as indicated by my presence here, that is not what happened then. I had a lovely week in Portland with my friend Weathercarrot, but at no point did I feel a drive or excitement for yoga job searching of any kind. I resisted the urge to judge myself for this, even after balancing my checkbook and discovering that my credit card was maxed out. The trail cost me a lot more than I had anticipated.
This doesn’t sound like a “need fulfilled” sort of situation …
Our lower earth-bound-selves, or ego, are not in a position to judge what needs are fulfilled in most situations. The fact that I had no money was the perfect backdrop to test out my hypothesis that my needs would be fulfilled without any pain on my part if I just believe they would. I am not very receptive to subtleties and the Universe knows this, because I am of It (Its creation, you might say, though that is only a pale reflection of the bigger picture), so it is easier for me to see the inner-workings of the Universe in contrast to a dire financial situation, if that makes sense. I’d like to return to the topic of money later, but let me tell you what happened next.
You got money?
Yes, I did. A friend of mine from the trail, Siddhartha got a job near Ashland and asked me if I could cat-sit for him for a week. This was a blessing because the day I was to start cat-sitting was the day Weathercarrot was flying out leaving me without a place to stay in Portland. At the last minute, however, Siddhartha got a job in Portland and no longer needed a cat-sitter. As a joke, I texted him “can I have your job down south then?”. He answered “let me check”. A few minutes later, I got a text from another trail friend, Threshold, saying “You are in. We leave in half an hour”. And that is how I got a job working on an organic farm near Ashland. That made me giggle, a lot. I drove overnight south and started work at 8 am the next morning. It was so different than anything I had ever done. I loved working with the plants. I loved the people, the landscape, the long crazy physically hard days (from 12-15 hours a day; our longest day was 17 hours). It also paid pretty well. I worked at four different farms while I was down there. Food and lodging was covered, so any money I made went straight to my truck’s glove-box (I had no pocket). I was there for about three weeks. Just about when my back could no longer take the work, Threshold said she needed a ride to the Breitenbush Hot Springs, where a friend of hers worked. I was the only of the transient employees with a vehicle, so I drove her there. Soaking in hot springs was exactly what I needed, especially for free. As an extra present from the Universe, the day after we got there, an advanced acro-yoga class started. I was told that it is almost impossible for staff guests to get into classes, but I don’t believe in ‘impossible’ or ‘almost impossible’, so I got in the class effortlessly. I suppose it would have been fun, but when I woke up the next morning, I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt in my heart that I was moving on from there.
How did you know?
I could feel that immense joy invade my heart at the thought of getting back in my truck and heading north.
But you missed out on staying for free at a very expensive resort and doing a serendipitous acro-yoga class …
I could answer this on several levels. At the most basic physical level, I think it was wise of me to not subject my body to the rigorous workout that a week of advanced acro-yoga demands. Working on the farm did a number on my back. On the highest level, I would say, there are no rules and who cares. If I feel more joy by leaving than staying, then why stay? This falls under the “if it ain’t fun, don’t do it” rule – with the caveat that there are actually no rules, not even that one. Again, everything changes. Still, as a starting point, following the fun is a good rule.
Okay, so you drove north with some cash and a broken back. But you don’t have enough to cover your credit card debt and you are still not looking for work. So, how is THAT helping with your needs?
Money will come to me, in a form or another. I think that free-will really only applies to the world of form. I mean, we create our own reality with our conscious and unconscious intents and as a reflection of the energy we put out, but the higher Self underlying needs are still fulfilled. We choose the question, not the questioning.
Whatever that means, mumbo-jumbo-hippy-girl … I guess your readers can see that super-hippy new leather-patch coat you found in a free box you’re wearing. You look like a caricature.
I am quite pleased with the free coat, yes, thank you for noticing :-). What I mean is that nothing matters. I will not be financially broke because I do not dwell in “financially broke” energy. I live generously and the Universe matches me. If I return south and work some more at the farm, my credit card debt will be taken care of, if I drive away from the known source of income, my underlying energy remains, so necessarily the Universe aligns itself to match my energy. I think that is what “manifesting” essentially is, but I don’t claim to know how it works. I’m just experimenting, as I said earlier. And it could all fail, and I could go broke, and that’s fine. I’ll keep on assuming things work out until proven otherwise.
So if you are not working at the farm, what money-making activity will you engage in up north?
I don’t know. That’s the beauty of it. I have been working very hard at “not creating”. It’s pretty obvious to me that I always get what I wish for, so I am trying not to wish. I feel that way the Universe has free reign, unbound by my potentially misguided earthly wishes. I am bypassing the “be careful what you wish for, you might get it” energy.
And how is this working out for you?
Not so well, actually. It turns out my brain is a mad wishing machine. I have 100 dreams a minute. The less I know where I am going and what I am doing, the more I come up with plans to fill the void.
But isnt’ you forcing a void a form of resistance? Shouldn’t you accept the fact that you have dreams and plans and wishes?
Maybe. As I said, I’m experimenting. I don’t really know how it works. All I know is that I wake up everyday with peace and gratitude in my heart. Maybe dreams, wishes and plans are like thoughts, they should be observed but not taken to be absolute truths. Or maybe our conscious dreams are irrelevant, our higher-Selves dreams are those being fulfilled, and those are never wrong. Or maybe I’m just a hippy in a leather-patch 70s jacket with a giant tear on the back arm. It’s all good. I’m exactly where I am supposed to be, wearing exactly the jacket I am supposed to wear.
And this perfect life, do you plan on continuing living it solo or are you looking for a life-mate, or do you already have someone in heart already? Some of your readers have been wondering and trying to find clues to your love life in between the lines.
Ah, yeah … Oh, look at the time! I’m supposed to go meet Megan 30 minutes ago. Sorry, that’s all I have time for. It was nice chatting with you. Thank you, readers, for putting up with my randomness. Love to you. More soon …