- A statement of purpose -
To follow my heart blindly in all decisions, and in all aspects of my life
impervious to judgments, internal or external
To approach all experiences with faith, trust and levity
and always remember that I am here to play
To hold a vision of the life and world pulling me forward with anticipatory gratitude
and keep that vision as my compass for the next steps
It felt so good to be back on trail after a few zeros to resupply.
ome beaaaauuuuutiful landscapes in this one. My goodness! (I’m bias, I know. Death Valley is my love, but still). Also, in this one, trail friends, cyanobacterias, disco, a rare Joshua Tree flower, and more sand dunes.
Eureka Dunes. One of the few sand dunes in the world that hums, or sings, or booms, or just makes a really weird noise when you press on them. hmmmmmmmm. First 15 seconds of this video. … the rest is about climbing the dunes and some cool bug I found.
I wrote a post about my solo trek across Death Valley. I wrote it in the Catmobile, parked in front of the Eureka Sand Dunes on my little blue computer, the one dedicated for writing books and stories, about a month ago. But, here I am … ready to post the first video in the “Solo across Death Valley” mini series (17 episodes total) and the saved post is gone. Gone! In fact, everything I have written on the little blue computer is gone. Gone gone gone. Computer – blank.
I guess that makes sense. The Dragon did it.
Hiking across Death Valley solo was probably the most “me” adventure I have ever had. I was in line, in sync, finely fine-tuned to exactly who I represent – The epitome of my own archetype. It was like hanging out with a perfect mate and best friend, a state of complete ease, freedom and joy, even during the hardships.
Getting back to civilization, the world of people with their fears, needs and expectations, was a shock to my system. The shock, I think, is what awoke the Dragon, and he was hungry after his long slumber – yes, “he” – my dragon is male, green and blue, iridescent, potent in beauty and power in equal measures.
I have been riding the Dragon into the fire. What does that even mean? Well, for the past 7 years – since Crazy Free and the spiritual awakening – I have calibrated my world view to Love and Light. Wonderful, wonderful … except that, in some cases, I unknowingly packed away resentment. I sought the higher perspective in all situations, believing this the only path to raise my vibration. Why did I want a higher vibration? Because you attract what you are, right? So I have to be Love and Light to attract all the good stuff of Life. In the name of this, I brought metaphorical flowers to my offenders when I could have justifiably erected protective boundaries or drawn my sword.
Just turn the other cheek. Raise the draw bridge, protect the villagers, and off with the offender’s head. It is good and important to set boundaries, to protect one’s self It is good and important to be an example of Love and Light in the world. Nothing is done to me. There is nothing to protect. Love and Light starts with the self. Self-love requires self-respect. Other’s actions are about them. My reaction is about me. This Love and Light business is making me act like milk toast.
Cognitive dissonance = Holding two opposing yet equal belief systems in one’s mind, simultaneously.
This is the main purpose of the inner Dragon. Can’t sort it out? Balance on a tiptoe on the knife’s edge of that paradox, like a dragon dancer, love warrior, fire ballerina, and get out of the way. If you can stay very still, the Dragon will come. Flap of wings in the distance. They are massive. They can obscure the sun. It’ll get hot, for sure. But you just stay put. Let it burn. You are fireproof in the flames of your own Dragon.
That’s what happened. That’s what opened in the desert. I was me in Death Valley, and next thing I knew, I was in Sedona, riding the Dragon … We rode into the territory of old guilt I still carried for hurting somes I loved and left, loved and wrong, or not loved and discarded. I rode the Dragon over the land of codependency. Burnt that. The land of goody-two-shoes. Burnt that. Unjustices, betrayals, non-closured relationships, … Smoldering and gone. They no longer weigh me down.
But, there were casualties.
All the books I had started in the past 4 years (since Crazy Free) were birthed from deep inner pockets of “stuff” that sought resolution. I didn’t know this. I thought I was divinely inspired. I wrote 12 poignant chapters of a fiction novel about a foreign scientist who falls dangerously in love with a bipolar mountain guide, on Mt. Baker. I wrote 3 intricate chapters about a woman who falls in love with the kids of a man who ends up in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. That one had a bad ending. There was also “Road Magic” a collection of stories of my adventures, like following a Viking to Cuba, working on a pig farm in Alaska, and so many more. These, unfortunately, are gone too. But I have the paper notes for this one, so it could be reborn from the ashes. The other two, I’m letting go. I’m no longer the person who needed to write them. The Dragon didn’t differentiate. Everything in my little blue computer is gone. And, strangely, it feels pretty good.
I’ve asked the Dragon to stay a bit. In case we’re not done yet. Meanwhile, there’s a field of smoldering ashes, a few glowing ambers. And in the space that opened, 17 movies were born. A new Youtube channel.
The books are gone. Long live the videos.
The first episode premieres today at 11:11 am. The second episode tomorrow at 7pm. They have a different feel than anything I’ve written up to now. The girl from Crazy Free has grown. Come meet her.
With Love (and Light, and Peace, and Justice, and everything else that should not be discarded)